• Vida Marie says:

    Yes! Hardwired for connection

  • Allie Joseph says:

    Thank you for this! I needed to hear this

  • Sarah Thorpe says:

    I love and care about you! And yeah it feels yucky when there are feelings directed to me… I want to break the tension.

  • Sarah Thorpe says:

    Psychopaths!!! Hahaha!!!

  • Libby Galt says:

    Grieving, this is key because it really triggered my feelings of grieving and now I know why

  • I couldn’t watch it all, but enjoyed what I saw. I agree that we all want to be liked unless you are a psychopath, haha. But, I do feel like over the years I have learned to let it go so much faster than I used to, especially if it’s someone that I haven’t known for long. I get that it’s different if it’s someone you’re deeply connected with, but if it’s not a strong connection, I do honestly tend to say “if they don’t like me, their loss, f*ck em.” So this was interesting to hear and think about the differences in the need to be liked in general and the need to be liked by those close to us. Does that make sense?

    • Libby Galt says:

      Yes, it is very different, rejection from someone that knows you well vs. someone that doesn’t. I’m sure we’ve all experienced both. Also some people you never have to see again and some you have to continue a relationship with. Also tied into this is why they might not like you. Is it your ‘fault’? Did you do something they don’t like? How do we stay secure about our own actions even when it results in an ‘I don’t like you’ kind of reaction from someone else?

    • I think it makes a lot of sense! And…just to say…as my therapist would lovingly point out to me…when I start saying things like… “f*ck em”…there is a high likelihood that anger is present. All this to say that sometimes the mad covers up the sad. Though I totally agree that there is big difference in the emotional intensity that is stirred up between people close to us vs. people on the fringes (or in the cheap seats as Brene Brown would say).

      I think there’s also a big temptation to make sense of it all and attach a story to what *is* so that we can decide if we should be pissed/sad/self-conscious/etc. Our minds just spin round and round asking a bunch of questions, trying to figure out if it is us or them or somewhere in between. This is great for self-reflection, but when left unchecked and left to run rampant, it can easily feed other disempowering narratives that fuel anxiety. Libby, your questions are leading right up to next week. Way to tee it up for me!

      • Love this discussion, by the way!

        • I get that. I’m sure there is anger there and I get that it isn’t necessarily the “right” way to approach it. It often comes after much sadness, self-reflection, and maybe even trying to “fix it.” After that is when I come to that and perhaps it starts as anger, but I think eventually gets to a place of choosing my own happiness and peace of mind over the other person’s feelings toward me that I can’t control. I should also note that I was not always like that. I’ve spent plenty of time deeply depressed by rejection over the years; reflecting on those times is what has led to how I am now… For better or worse

          • I love Libby’s question about how we stay secure about our own actions when it leads to being disliked. I think if the person is willing to have a conversation about it with us, then we owe it to our growth as a person to listen and reflect on what they say. But so often it is a situation where you don’t know exactly what you’ve done to be disliked and so it’s then that I feel like I owe it to myself to move on.

          • Libby Galt says:

            I’ve been grappling with what I learned in childhood: no one else controls you, your actions or reactions. You are in charge of yourself and your responses. And at the same time, this feels too simplistic in the sense that the more we learn about the influence that societal norms and expectations have on us, the more we learn about things like unconscious bias. So when those things influence all of us, sometimes unknowingly, how are we actually ‘free’ to think our own thoughts and control our own responses?

          • Libby Galt says:

            You nailed it with anxiety. That’s what situations of feeling disliked and/or misunderstood bring up for me. There has to be something between f* it and I’m a terrible person. I think it has something to do with letting go, but I feel like I don’t have the mechanics in place to do that.

    • Lilly Osborne Sorry to be so late to this party. I love what you are saying! “I think eventually gets to a place of choosing my own happiness and peace of mind over the other person’s feelings toward me that I can’t control.” Love this so much. There is this acceptance (of ourselves, and of others) that we’re not always the best fit. And that’s Ok.

      • Libby Galt Oh, I love all that you are bringing up here. Yes to the unconscious bias and this sentence “There has to be something between f* it and I’m a terrible person.” So true. And there may eventually be a more resigned/less angry f*it, as Lilly mentioned. I think what lies between f* it and I’m a terrible person is a lot of emotions to feel into. <3

  • Yes, that messy… unfinished and misunderstood feeling. Good to recognize this feeling and try to move beyond it.

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