Love & Boundaries
I used to think that if I cared for someone, I showed that care by flexing and bending to what they liked and not getting too attached to my opinions. Sharing my opinions seemed selfish, damaging and overly dramatic. As a result I had a hard time sharing my voice, even over the simplest questions.
"What do you want to eat for dinner tonight?"
"Oh, I don't care."
While my approach was conflict-avoidant, my inner world was rife with conflict. I grew resentful, wondering why everyone else seemed to get what they want but not me. I beat myself up for not being more assertive. I would set a boundary with someone, only to have it crossed days later. I said nothing.
I looked around and all I could see was the selfishness of others. I couldn't see how I was contributing to this dynamic.
Fast forward to last week. My friend, Tony, told me the best definition of boundaries he'd ever heard: "My love for you is unconditional, but the terms of our relationship are not."
This sentence took my breath away.
Our love may be unconditional and unwavering and yet the way we behave in that relationship are not written in stone. We get to decide the terms of how we engage with one another in that relationship
Our love can remain intact as we negotiate the terms of our relationship. When we do, we genuinely let go of resentment and we step into joy and deeper connection.
Boundaries are not about building walls. Boundaries are about negotiating the terms of the relationship so that connection is deepened.
This is why I created the Boundaries for the Holidays webinar course. It's for you no matter where you live. It's six weeks long. It starts October 14th. It's $250. It's totally worth it. Are you in?