• this is where amends are so important

  • A better gaslighter could disinfect his nose.

  • Giving away power to be liked is like eating fistfulls of peanut butter to loose weight. Its such a hard lesson to learn.

  • There’s also the gaslighting that comes from where you have a positive bias toward someone (e.g. a spouse or family member) and so you have to overcome positive history/your own (justified) positive bias to understand that you’re getting gaslit.

  • You could also gas light yourself by overlooking past bad history with someone to stay in a seemingly positive current relationship

  • Your lipstick is so on point tonight. (not gaslighting)

  • And here’s the MTrain video (which is awesome): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDc_5zpBj7s

  • Gaslighting is a super common thing that addicts and alcoholics use. It becomes an integrated part of addiction and is hard to see and to fix.

    • I can totally see that. I think it is usually done in such an unconscious way. It is such a shame-driven behavior.

    • It is certainly compulsive but addicts know they are doing it generally. In the case of addiction, anything and everything that can allow the addict to feed their addiction is fair game. Alanon is a good resource for those in relationships of any kind (family, friends, dating) with an addict or alcoholic.

    • Mike Alsworth such a great insight. Thank you for that. And yes, Al-Anon is amazing and a great resource for anyone living with someone who is addicted. <3

  • How do you confront gass lighting?

    • Hi Natasha Rajao! Great question and my apologies for the late response. I’ve been sitting with your question and I think of a few things.

      1. I don’t know if gaslighting can really be confronted with the expectation is that the person doing it will admit to it. Gas lighting is either an unconscious act, or for some, a deliberate way to keep someone else small. Either way, the probability of denial is high.
      2. Confronting gaslighting is really an inside job. Which means, we have to wrestle with the question of, “Does this seem to be happening to me?”
      3. If the answer to that is, Yes, then the work begins around figuring out what to do. Reaching out for help from trusted people, setting boundaries and keeping your mental, emotional and physical well-being safe is critical. Gaslighting is manipulative and it’s hard to not get manipulated. Stay close to your body, mind and intuition; surround yourself with positive, encouraging people; be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for any missteps along the way.

      Hope that helps!

  • Loren Boyd says:

    Love this thank you Alli!

  • This is such an important topic!

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